Saturday, February 23, 2013

Hooker Me Up With A Sweet Dress

A week or two ago a friend of mine was shocked to hear that I had not seen 'Cry Baby', a fabulous take-the-piss greaser flick by John Waters starring a young Johnny Depp. So off to her house to watch it on VHS on her old Rank Arena television. Talk about old skoolin' it!

While we were watching, a particular character (that of Traci Lords) got my vote for most orgasmic dresses. Last time we went to Lincraft I had spied off a white cotton with red spots but couldn't justify buying more fabric, especially seeing as I'm supposed to be doing Finish Me February. After seeing this film and gathering more dress inspiration, I couldn't help myself.

 I made a mix of two of the dresses I liked best:

I'm happy with the outcome, having pieced together various patterns to get the right kind of thing going, but I'm not sure the women of Melbourne completely agree with me. I honestly felt like Dolly Parton in 'The Happiest Whore House in Texas' or whatever the film is called. Women looked at me in disgust as I traipsed around my local shopping center. People avoided me. Men, on the other hand, were more than happy with my appearance. The best part was when I bumped into one of my mother's hardcore Christian friends who barely acknowledged me. I was totally ignored at the post office until a nice man named Walter came to the counter and said "please excuse Bernadette, I think she's just jealous of your spotty number".

In fact, I put on the dress today for the purpose of taking photos and as I was getting into my car, my neighbour's daughter pulled up, saw my appearance, and told her children to overt their eyes and not to say hi to me. What. The. Fleck.

I think I should start taking care with my pattern placement
My sexy face
I honestly can't see me making anything similar any time soon. I've named it my 'whore dress' and it took too gosh darn long to make. It's a totally hot dress though and I'm happy I made it.

In other news, I arranged a party last Sunday at 1am for the following day. Nitty and I dressed up as pirates and got our rum on.